Ladies and gentlemen of the shopping trolley, brace yourselves!
From the New Year, England’s supermarket shelves will host the first gene-edited (GE) foods, courtesy of Brexit freedoms.
Boris Johnson’s promise back in 2019 to “liberate British bioscience” is finally materialising: bananas that never go brown, sweeter lettuce, longer-lasting strawberries and bread with fewer carcinogens — all proudly branded as “precision-bred organisms” (PBOs).
The science: unlike GM, gene editing doesn’t insert alien genes, it simply snips, polishes, and refines what’s already there. More barbershop than Frankenstein — trimming the moustache rather than sewing on a new one.
The government cheers: for the first time in 30 years, farm legislation enables instead of restricts. Farmers gain crops more profitable and weather-resistant.
Comic touch:
—“Darling, that banana has been on the table for two weeks and it’s still bright yellow. Should I eat it or frame it?”
—“Eat it, George. Post-Brexit even DNA pays different taxes.”
Meanwhile in Brussels, a sigh: “We’ve got bureaucracy, they’ve got eternal bananas.”
🍓🥔🍞 Eternal strawberries, disease-resistant potatoes, safer bread and sweeter lettuce. Risk? Who knows — maybe in 50 years the English will glow in the dark.
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